theoldmanandthepie's profile

Location:

northern california

Last on:

5 hours ago

Time here:

8 months

Gender:

Male

I prefer:

Females

Comments:

474 sent, 17 received

Followers:

UMD rank:

#182

UMD ID:

156157

I'm here to:

Chat with friends, roleplay with others, and find others interested in meeting up

My likes:

pies, and mud

Issues?

Report/block

About Me:

I have been a very long time lurker, quite possibly longer than many of you have been alive. To prove my point, let me just say that my Beard is 43 years old

My wife is tolerant of my fetish and did try it, but she discovered that she wasn't into it. I love pies to a woman's face and clothing or clothed women covered in mud. However, I am turned off by green slime. Although I don't travel much, I am open to clothed coed meet-ups. I would also like to get to know the people of the community via chat and email. I don't own a cell phone, so don't try to text me.

Latest Photos

Last Actions

4 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: ""Finally--my beauty treatment.""

4 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: ""Yes!""

4 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: ""I've been so wanting this.""

6 hours ago

Commented on a photo: "But I do love the marshmallow fluff."

6 hours ago

Commented on a photo: "We'd stick to you like glue even without the marshmallow fluff"

7 hours ago

Commented on a photo: "You're a temptress whether messy or not."

9 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: ""You're sure you want me to.;""

9 hours ago

Submitted a new video to the archive

21 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: "She looks so blissful"

21 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: "that visage is so expressive."

21 hours ago

Commented on a forum photo: "I love it when the models look like they're having fun."

yesterday

Commented on a forum photo: ""You're going to love your new chocolate hat.""

yesterday

Commented on a forum photo: ""Go ahead and smile now. Let's see if your still smiling after I'm done with I have planned for you.""

yesterday

Commented on a photo: "great work"

yesterday

Added a caption contest entry: "that bullseye isn't supposed to be for darts--it's supposed to be for pies."

All My Wams

Wam Party

9 hours ago

Pied MessyMegan on the butt

9 hours ago

Turned bsmessybakery's head into a pie sandwich

12 hours ago

Was pied on the chest by MessyMegan

14 hours ago

Had thick ooze poured down his pants by bsmessybakery

yesterday

Pied MessyMegan on the chest

friended 3/27/25

friended 3/19/25

friended 3/8/25

friended 3/11/25

friended 4/7/25

friended 3/20/25

friended 3/21/25

friended 3/21/25

friended 4/13/25

friended 3/13/25

friended 2/26/25

friended 6/24/25

friended 25 days ago

friended 6/1/25

friended 3/15/25

Profile Wall

theoldmanandthepie 15 days ago

I would have thought that there were more fans of "Midsomer Murders", but I guess this isn't the time of year for Easter eggs.

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getemdown 16 days ago

Glad to hear you are better.

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theoldmanandthepie 16 days ago

ER room ran some tests and found nothing serious, so I'm back home

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theoldmanandthepie 16 days ago

If you don't hear from me for a few days, it will be because I'm back in the hospital

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theoldmanandthepie 8/26/25

My 68th birthday has come and gone. Root for me to make it to a 69th

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theoldmanandthepie 7/19/25

This message is to let those who have regularly chatted with me or exchanged messages know. An MRI has revealed a growth on my bile duct. How bad the news might be has yet to be determined.

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theoldmanandthepie 5/23/25

I would be grateful for assistance previewing YouTube videos. If you might be willing to help, please see my post in the non-wam forum.

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theoldmanandthepie 5/10/25

For those of you who worry that the stories I publish are unusual, I promise you that the Logic Problem and Solution that I just submitted will be the only ones. They are far too difficult to write.

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theoldmanandthepie 5/4/25

I hope that everyone had a Happy Star Wars day. "May the Fourth be with you."

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theoldmanandthepie 4/20/25

Happy Easter!

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theoldmanandthepie 3/25/25

Unfortunately, the site simply doesn't allow a simple music video, so I can't share "it's My Birthday" via UMD

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theoldmanandthepie 3/24/25

"It's My Birthday" is now pending approval

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theoldmanandthepie 3/22/25

I know this isn't the right time of year for my latest song parody, "Christmas Pies", but no one has submitted a story for 5 days, so I thought that I would write and submit it today. I think you'll like it. When I sang it for my wife. she replied, "I think you've found your calling."

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theoldmanandthepie 3/21/25

my apologies--I somehow copied the incorrect link for "Pie Day Celebration". I've now added the correct link which should appear after confirmation

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theoldmanandthepie 3/19/25

This is a continuation of my previous post. I was running out of characters. If you like my music, let me know, and I will post more of it. As it is my original work, I reserve all rights

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theoldmanandthepie 3/19/25

I've uploaded my original musical composition entitled "It's My Birthday". I think that it will appear as a "video" tomorrow, although I am not certain. This piece happens to be a musical puzzle. If you solve the puzzle correctly, the answer is my date of birth, which is the reason for the title. Please don't expect the music to sound like a birthday party or anything like that. It doesn't, and wasn't meant to. If you want to know how to solve the puzzle, send me a message and I will message you back with the solution. I do so, however, with the expectation that you keep the solution to...

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theoldmanandthepie 3/14/25

I hereby promise to exchange messages or chat with anyone in the UMD community who wishes to exchange communication unless I have informed that member that I no longer wish communication. Otherwise, the only reason that I haven't responded is that I haven't yet read the message.

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theoldmanandthepie 3/13/25

I think that it is now important to state that my anger in my most recent addition to my wall has nothing to do with my most recent post but rather refers to a blog I read.

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theoldmanandthepie 3/13/25

I read something tonight that has made me truly, truly, angry. Please be assured that I am not angry with UMD or its community. Nevertheless, I feel compelled by this anger to add the following to my wall: WE ARE PEOPLE FIRST AND WAMMERS SECOND!

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theoldmanandthepie 3/10/25

I just created a folder in my photos section entitled "Music I Have Composed". However, this folder will probably be empty I figure out how to upload the music. The uploading software doesn't recognize .wav files.

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theoldmanandthepie 2/26/25

There are a number of excellent G- or PG-rated stories in the Story archive. Have any of the producers out there given thought to producing a movie of one of these stories and selling them to Noovie as a short to generate additional income? I personally think that Marlowe's "The Reporter" would make an excellent short.

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Curiouspaints 2/26/25

Welcome aboard

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